overflow

Sometimes I feel like I’m totally running dry. I try to give and give and give and pour out everything I have. Which isn’t a bad thing. But lately I have been learning how crucial it is to receive before I give. At least in this case. If I’m not reading, worshipping, praying, spending time with the lord then I’m not allowing him to pour into me. And if I’m not allowing him to pour into me I have nothing to pour out to anyone else. Again and again the same lesson: I can’t do this on my own. Not at all for a single second. I know god is offering this immense love that will overflow onto others but I simply “can’t find the time” to accept it. And if I don’t then I have nothing to give. So I’m working on accepting as much love as I can every single day so that I can pass that love on to every person I come in contact with. As with everything I learn this sounds obvious. I know this. But it is so true in my life right now that I can’t afford to live any other way

i have come that they may have life and have it to the FULL

-john 10:10b

full life hit me the other day. like really hit me. i know i have full life in christ. well aware. i know that's the only way i can truly live. but rarely do i acknowledge what that actually means. and when i think about it...it's true. i have honest to goodness full life. which duh i know but i never really think about. full to the point of overflow. joy in the lord. all that stuff is real. nothing fills me like the lord does. i have never been as satisfied as when i am in a right relationship with god. again...DUH. but seriously. i feel like sometimes i just take things for granted without realizing all this stuff is true. i mean i know it's true. but i can physically see the side effects of my relationship with christ throughout my life. that's crazy. it's not believing in some far off invisible god. he lives in us. he lives in me. and i see it. people see it. i've always known this is real. but it keeps becoming more and more apparent to me. i love that after five and a half years god can still amaze me. i hope he always does. and i hope i never forget what full life feels like. and how i wouldn't want to live any other way.


so, god, thanks for letting me live.

why i lead young life

aside from the obvious. yes i want kids to know the lord. yes i want to love the crap outta high schoolers who may not get that anywhere else. yes i want to give my life away.

i have never been pushed so hard or stretched so far as i have been leading young life. don't get me wrong. it's great. i have to be so much better, so much smarter, so much nicer than i am. i have to wholly surrender myself to the lord and let him use me because if i tried to lead by myself i'd fall flat on my face. when a kid calls me and asks me to get coffee to talk about something but i have a project to do i have to ditch my work. i am obligated to love that kid over anything i had to do. which is awesome. i am forced to give myself up. it's my job. which has a negative connotation i guess but honestly i love it. because i know i'd be far too self absorbed and selfish to give myself up if i didn't have to. so i love that i have to. i love that i'm called to do it. that i have to spend twice as much money as any normal person on gas. because really? what else would i spend that on... shoes? things i don't need. as opposed to a high school kid who needs that extra ten minutes in the car to talk. i couldn't make it about me if i tried.

i lead young life so that he may become greater and i may become less.

“It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.”

-Mother Theresa

girlfriend knows her stuff.


it is CRAZY how much we have. how much I have. literally insane. wildly disproportionate. i am just so SICK of money. just plain sick of it. i hate it. i hate that it enables me to or prevents me from doing things. i hate that people, i in particular, have so much and take it for granted. i hate that so many have to have so little yet still find so much joy in life. i hate money. i hate that it governs our lives. i hate that most of us don't even realize how disgustingly wealthy we are. i hate that people die of hunger so others can eat at outback steakhouse every night. i hate that people have millions of dollars they don't even have anything to do with. the thing i hate the most is how little everyone seems to care. that people don't get fired up about this. about injustice. about poverty. yet i am the biggest hypocrite of all. i hate money yet i don't give mine away. i use it to send myself to italy for 4 months for no other reason than the fact that i just want to. i don't need to go to italy. i could feed a small country with the money i'm paying to go there. but i'm going. because i'm selfish. children will die so that i can live as i wish. one day i will live in poverty. i better. i swear if i ever get rich someone please shoot me. or rob me. yeah robin hood my selfish A and give all my money to the poor. i don't need it. i have so many things i don't need. sooo many. and i still want more. yes i am selfish. and hypocritical. and i hate money. and one of these days i'm gonna freakin do something about it.

flee from evil

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
-Philippians 4:8

Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.
-3 John 1:11

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
-Romans 12:9

reject every kind of evil.
-1 Thessalonians 5:22

But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
-Hebrews 5:14

Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
-James 1:21

Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
-Psalm 37:27

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
-2 Timothy 2:22



whatever is pure. anyone who does evil has not seen god. hate what is evil. reject every kind of evil. distinguish good from evil. get rid of all moral filth and evil. turn from evil. flee the evil desires.


evil [ee-vuhl] -noun- the force in nature that governs and gives rise to wickedness and sin.


evil. it's not good. we want good. we don't want evil. simple. flee from it. literally turn and run the other direction when it creeps into your life. i'm working on fleeing from evil. there are things that may not seem awful. like i write them off and say it's not that bad if i cuss. or watch trashy mtv shows. or read texts from last night every day. or read cosmo. because they're not necessarily sins. but they instill an evil in me. they cultivate the force in nature that governs and gives ride to wickedness and sin. and instead i should be thinking about whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable. jersey shore is not excellent or praiseworthy. i have become more spiritually mature and am training myself to distinguish between good and evil. i have seen god and will not do evil. not only will i not do evil but i will hate it and reject it and turn from it and flee from it. because it stunts my relationship with god. the holier i am, the more i love him.

evil is anything that isn't good. and everything good is from the lord. so everything evil isn't from the lord. which is nothing i want to have anything to do with.

yesterday i woke up sucking a lemon

everything in its right place.

there is a feeling that derives from compositional perfection. like when taking a picture, i wait until the scene clicks. i don't know how to explain this, i just really wanted to write about it. i'm gonna try not to sound too art freaky. but i can be looking through the viewfinder of my camera and making small adjustments to the frame until boom. it feels right. like good composition produces an actual feeling in a person. bad composition makes a person feel awkward when they look at the work. but solid composition is pleasing to the eye in a way that most people don't even realize. they may not know why they like what they're looking at so much. but it's because the scene is compositionally brilliant. and that is amazing to me. just because of how something is juxtaposed in a frame. it produces an actual feeling. so crazy. art makes you feel. i mean subject and concept produces an obvious feeling. but even just the composition invokes a feeling in the receiver. crazy.

i think the same thing applies to music. i watched this interview with katy perry on youtube. i know i know. judge me. but i like her. and she was talking about the song teenage dream. and how they wrote and rewrote and tweaked that song so many times until it finally clicked. and i'll tell you that song makes you feel something. aside from the lyrics. because it's katy perry. they suck. but the way all the aspects of that song come together create something compositionally brilliant. i find bon iver to be a composition master. makes you feel something. which is the goal of any art form. music. photography. painting. dance. anything.

there is nothing like perfect life composition. when you look around and think nothing could be better than the way everything is right then. this happens to me a lot of mornings. after i read and step outside on my way to class. the way it feels, looks, and smells outside. even if nothing is actually happening, i'm just standing outside in the morning. it just clicks like man, it's all good. i also get this feeling a lot at night when i first lay down. maybe it's just when i'm in the right mindset with the lord. i appreciate all of his glory on earth after i've just spent time with him. and the combination of good things he's given us makes me feel. this whole entire post might make no sense. i just love brilliant composition.

everything in its right place.

the best thing you can do with your life is give it away

lately i've been all about bali, indonesia. i wanna go there for a year or two after i graduate. teach english. slash reading. bali. it is an 11 week class to get certified. i could do it. i can't plan anything at this point. but i hope i get to do it. i don't need to be a wedding photographer. if i don't do it someone else will. but i could change lives teaching. because if i don't do it, maybe no one will. so i'm trying to make my life less and less about me. give it all away. still a little selfish though, living in bali would be legit. obviously i change my mind about what i wanna do with my life every day so who the heck knows what i'll actually do. maybe i'll do everything. we'll see.