i should be writing a paper right now...

but instead i'm playing the 5 people to dinner game. which is one of my FAVORITE things to know about people. basically you pick 5 people dead or alive that you'd want to have over for dinner. here are my 5:

1. richard avedon. my favorite photographer.
2. c.s. lewis. probably one of the greatest theologians. ever.
3. isaac brock. modest mouse. he would be so fun. and i think he's brilliant.
4. hitler. you know who he is. i just have a lot of questions for him.
5. chris mccandless. read into the wild if you haven't already. he's an interesting guy.

and that's it. this is boring. i should be writing my paper.

it's been over two months

time is a funny thing. and i don't seem to have much of it lately. at all. well that's no good. the lord's been teaching me SO MANY things recently. and i simply have not had the time to write it all down. which is actually incredibly untrue. i'm sure i have plenty of time and simply not enough will. i could write books replacing the time i spend on facebook with writing about what i'm learning. but i'm stubborn and stupid and human so i tend to pick the former.

i'm sitting here with half an hour between classes trying to recall this dream i had last night. before i went to bed i had started reading francis chan's forgotten god. and i only got about twenty pages in or so. but if you know me (which i'm pretty sure you do, only like 3 people know about this blog) you may know i've been struggling lately with the holy spirit. and that's what this book is all about. anyway the dream. well i'm remembering less and less. but what i remember the strongest is getting chills. like crazy body shaking chills all over my body. i think i was talking to someone about the holy spirit and how i have trouble accepting it? something like that. well mid-conversation i got these chills. and i just had this moment of wow. this is real. i'm not making this up in my head. i'm not believing this just because i'm told to. the holy spirit is real. he lives in me. i don't have to understand it. to try to wrap my head around it would be pointless. this is a hard concept for me- blind acceptance. i'm a why person. i always have to know. and i don't. and that's scary. but it doesn't make it less real. so right now, i'm learning about blind faith. faith like a child. faith without reason or explanation other than the fact that it's real.

so i'm learning. god's revealing all of himself to me and i'm doing my best to step out of my human idiocy and accept things i can't understand. the holy spirit. it's real. and it's blowing my mind.

five years

five years ago today i gave my life to christ. july 27th 2005. looking back i'm speechless. i cannot believe the complete 180 God has done in my life. it is truly astonishing. like literally i have no words. i am the most blessed person in the world and don't for a minute deserve it. God has done the craziest things in me and through me in the past five years and i rejoice in being able to witness His work. God is good. always. especially today. praise Him.

top five things that make me cry:

1. laughing too hard

2. anything any mentally challenged kid ever does or says

3. when people i love do great things

4. weddings

5. seeing other people cry

also these might be the only things that make me cry. turns out i don't cry when i'm sad i cry when i'm happy. go fig

things i know:

to know is to love, to love is to care,

to care is to give, to have, to share.

to share is to see, to see is to do,

to do is to go, to act, to move.

to move is to change, to change is to choose,

to choose is to pick, to think, to muse.

to muse is to spark, to spark is to beam,

to beam is to glow, to shine, to dream.

to dream is to live, to live is to be,

always, forever, and wholly free.

i cannot think of a decent name for this poem

i love helicopters

especially sick helicopter necklaces. and that's all i gotta say today.

today is the best day ever

i am insanely BLESSED. it blows my mind every day. man god is good. ptl.