it's been over two months

time is a funny thing. and i don't seem to have much of it lately. at all. well that's no good. the lord's been teaching me SO MANY things recently. and i simply have not had the time to write it all down. which is actually incredibly untrue. i'm sure i have plenty of time and simply not enough will. i could write books replacing the time i spend on facebook with writing about what i'm learning. but i'm stubborn and stupid and human so i tend to pick the former.

i'm sitting here with half an hour between classes trying to recall this dream i had last night. before i went to bed i had started reading francis chan's forgotten god. and i only got about twenty pages in or so. but if you know me (which i'm pretty sure you do, only like 3 people know about this blog) you may know i've been struggling lately with the holy spirit. and that's what this book is all about. anyway the dream. well i'm remembering less and less. but what i remember the strongest is getting chills. like crazy body shaking chills all over my body. i think i was talking to someone about the holy spirit and how i have trouble accepting it? something like that. well mid-conversation i got these chills. and i just had this moment of wow. this is real. i'm not making this up in my head. i'm not believing this just because i'm told to. the holy spirit is real. he lives in me. i don't have to understand it. to try to wrap my head around it would be pointless. this is a hard concept for me- blind acceptance. i'm a why person. i always have to know. and i don't. and that's scary. but it doesn't make it less real. so right now, i'm learning about blind faith. faith like a child. faith without reason or explanation other than the fact that it's real.

so i'm learning. god's revealing all of himself to me and i'm doing my best to step out of my human idiocy and accept things i can't understand. the holy spirit. it's real. and it's blowing my mind.