kony.

good gravy. i've never hated facebook as much as i do right now. a few nights ago the kony2012 video went viral. i watched it with my roommates who begged me to turn it off because "it's depressing" (and i could go on a whole other rant about living in our own little worlds and avoiding things because they aren't pretty...) i've been involved with invisible children for years and the video struck a chord with me, so naturally i reposted it. and oh my word. it has blown freaking up in the past few days.

i've learned some things about invisible children. things i didn't know before. maybe they're not the world's greatest organization. but i just cannot believe the backlash they're getting. especially from the christian community. i have never seen young people care about others in a wave like this before. i've never seen it be really popular to want to make a difference. and yeah there are far better ways this can be done. far more organizations people could support. but praise god people are thinking of others for once! whether it's because it's the just popular thing to do right now or because they really care, i am thankful to see facebook statuses that aren't about mean girls, broken hearts, or "bad days". it's a baby step. but it's in the right direction. we do not need to be knocking each other for what we support.

giving money to invisible children doesn't seem to be the best way to help right now. there really doesn't seem to be much we can do. except raise awareness. get this so popular that it gets into the hands of someone who can help. whether that is through invisible children or not doesn't matter. kony is a problem. something needs to be done. and this is a start. there are a lot of problems, and a lot of things need to be done about them.

but i am kind of appalled that we're judging and knocking what god puts on peoples' hearts.

so here. decide for yourself. if you choose to support IC, do it. if not, support whatever you want to support. take action. and rejoice when others do the same

I will follow You.

Where are You taking me?

I try to follow

But the path feels hollow-

Leading me nowhere with nothing to share and no one to see- me,

The real me,

Inside and out no fear or doubt that I am the one.

I feel like I’m swerving off the road,

Looping around trees and backtracking with every step I take.

I stumble stumble stumble

Trip all over every roadblock I face-

Not the case for those around me.

I get higher then face the fire

That reveals my dire need for Your empire.

Forward is relative I’m floating on clouds.

If only I can keep my heart open,

My arms raised,

My eyes to the sky.

Deny deny deny myself

Embrace embrace embrace the help

From the One who breathed life to my wings.

I want to go somewhere, everywhere, nowhere.

Eyes closed with a smile you lead me for miles-

Blinding, winding, finding nothing I want

And everything I need.

Keep me on my toes and out of the know

With nowhere to go but after Your heart.

Good good You are so good.

And I will follow You.

i wrote a poem about myself.

ha i literally just wrote a poem entirely about myself. just late night stupid fun.

I write everything I think and I usually rhyme,

Travel and experiences consume my every dime.

Taking pictures is what I do best,

I rarely get angry, worn out, or stressed.

Some days I just wanna hang out with myself,

I enjoy maintaining my physical health.

I put God first, others second, I’m last,

I’ll tell you about it whether or not you ask.

I could literally lie in a hammock all day,

Sur l'anglais je préfère parler français.

When I make a decision it’s almost never final,

I think music always sounds better on vinyl.

I’ll take tea over coffee and the book over the flick,

For sports I think snowboarding and surfing are sick.

Given the choice I choose to be outside,

Bike over car is my favorite ride.

Guitars are cool but I play the pian-uh,

My best friend is my sister, little Ariana.

I like to paint, construct, and create,

I’m stubborn, strong willed, and up for a debate.

There are very few things I would never try,

More often than not I laugh till I cry.

I have top five lists for any category,

For me sleep is never a major priority.

Few things are more important to me than art,

Love saturates my thoughts, my actions, my heart.

I like to cook, bake, sew, and crochet,

I’d make a bangin’ wife and mother someday.

My closet consists of thrift store finds,

I dress like nineteen sixty, seventy, or eighty nine.

My friends are ridiculous, obnoxious, but fun,

And my family will always be my number one.

So this is who I am, me in a nutshell,

If you don’t like it you can go to…..Taco Bell

lalalaaaa

disappointment.

there is no worse feeling in the world than disappointing someone. my friend jess was recently talking about being late to her job as a nanny. and the whole car ride there she was just dreading facing that mom and showing up late. and i know that feeling. everyone hates disappointing people.

why don't we feel that way about god? when we sin, when we let him down, when we stiff-arm the creator of the universe- why aren't we torn up about it? yes we serve a loving, forgiving god, but i know i personally sometimes take grace for granted. i shouldn't want to disappoint the god i love. i shouldn't want to fall short. i should have a full heart of repentance when i screw up. i should be a little bit ashamed of my sin. i want perfection. i want christ. i do not want to let my god down. i know i will and i know he'll forgive me but i can't accept that grace without repentance.

i don't want to disappoint anyone. mostly my god. beating myself up about it won't help either, but acknowledging my sin is crucial. showing understanding of my shortcomings. disappointment is the worst thing to face. praise the lord for a god full of grace!

righteous anger.

i experienced the purest righteous anger the other day. i have always heard the term and never quite understood how the two could go together. contrary to popular belief i went through my fair share of anger back in my angsty teen days. and i understood anger to be a bad thing, something we shouldn't have if we have christ. truth? anger can be from god. it can be righteous. we are called to be slow to anger, but sometimes we are actually called to be angry.

so two weeks ago i was giving the sin talk at young life. we split the gospel in half and talk about the sin in our hearts and how we have separated ourselves from god one week, and then bring the good news that christ died for us to take away our sin the next week. these are the two biggest and most important talks we do in young life. so i prepared for days and practiced in front of my mirror. and in front of about 40 kids last tuesday i got up to tell them half of the most important thing they will ever hear in their lives. and oh boy did it not go well. i know i have a reputation of being a "fun" leader and sometimes it makes it difficult for kids to take me seriously. and i guess that's what happened because it was the worst received talk i've ever witnessed. kids were calling out, saying ridiculous things, talking, texting, not paying attention. worse than i've ever encountered in my 8 years of young life. it was so bad that at the end my coleader had to get up and instill a little fear of the lord in the kids. she is new and people tend to take her really seriously so she got up and tried shut them up. and it worked a little. but i have never been angry like i was angry after that talk. not that it's the angriest i've ever been (ask the punching bag in my basement), it was just a different type of anger than i'd ever experienced this vividly.

i left the room after my talk to cool myself down. i mean i was pissed. and at first i thought it was my pride. like i was mad that kids didn't think what i had to say was important. that they didn't listen to me. but that happens all the time with high school kids, and quite truthfully i don't really care. then i thought it was because a lot of the kids who called out were campaigner kids, our core group of high schoolers who understand and support what we do. i thought i was pissed because the kids who are my actual friends weren't backing me up. and then this realization washed over me that it wasn't about me. at all. i was pissed because they were mocking my (and their) maker. they were laughing at the very thing that kept jesus on the cross. they lightheartedly belittled the line between life and death. i was righteously angry that they didn't listen to what god was saying through me.

well i took a minute to pray about it and cool down. the lord works in ways that aren't always visible to us so i had to trust. that his message would get to them somehow. but later after i had dropped all the kids off i just cried in my car. i cried and worshipped and prayed. forgive them father for they know not what they do. so i gave up that righteous anger and prayed my heart out that they would still hear and understand the message.

redemption prevailed last week when i got to give the cross talk. the second half. the good news. it was by far the best talk the lord has ever breathed through me. not a kid spoke. dead silence. respect for the word of god. and tears. heartfelt tears came with the understanding of exactly what christ did for them. their god. MY GOD. and with that came joyful peace for me. no more righteous anger.

good. all the time.

i can't tell you how many times i've said something like "i just don't have self-control". or heard someone claim they have no patience. or peace. you name it. we think we just don't have it. like we were just born without it or something. what a sick lie satan has planted in our hearts to make us feel less-than. to make it easier to defeat us.


if we have christ we have the spirit. the holy spirit LIVES in us. in our hearts. all the time. whether we acknowledge him or not. and the thing about the spirit is that he is good. always. he is always good. if we have the spirit we have love. if we have the spirit we have joy. peace. patience. kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. if we have the spirit we have the fruit of the spirit. all the time. it lives in us.


some of us have to search for it. i know i have a lot of layers of "me" to pull back to reveal the self-control i know is hidden in there somewhere. but it is. it is there. and it is good. all the time. it's all there. i am not doing this on my own. and man what a gift from god to be blessed with his fruit living in our hearts. all the time.




so it doesn't matter how i feel. i have joy. at my disposal at all times whenever i choose to get over myself and reach for it. no matter how much i fail to produce my own fruit, i carry it my heart at all times through the spirit.


i just need to move over and let him shine through me. he must become greater, i must become less.

so many things

there are so many things i should have been writing the past few months. so many things i'm learning and doing and experiencing and should be writing about. instead of trying to catch up i'll just start with where i am right now.

i once read this piccoult book about this couple dealing with abuse in their relationship. the woman tries to leave the man several times but can't because she is so attached. and there is one line i will never forget from that book.

"he was stitched so tightly in the seams of my heart that removing him would mean unravelling myself"

i wanted that. i read the book years ago and have forever stuck with that line. but oh man what a picture of what we fill our hearts with.

now i want christ stitched so tightly in the seams of my heart that removing him would mean unravelling myself.

that's how i've been thinking about that quote. christ. stitched so tightly that without him i'm not me. i'm nothing. and only christ. i'm a visual person. so every day i've been stitching. every time i spend time with the lord- another stitch. every time i read. every prayer. little stitches that bring me closer to god. that bind him tighter in my heart and harder to remove. because without him i will surely unravel.

i can feel when things in my life try to pull christ out of my heart to make room for worldly things that don't matter. and maybe they break a few stitches. but the more stitches i sew the harder they are to break. i want christ in there. nothing else.

so i will keep stitching tighter and tighter and i will be whole.